Regarding Advanced Directives for Health Care
Dying unexpectedly when you have minor children
About your funeral
On being a primary caregiver
Regarding some of the tasks of survivorship
About grieving
Also included in this workbook
Regarding Advanced Directives for Health Care:
"You should have the ultimate say regarding YOUR life, and the AD prompts you to consider whether you want to prolong your life at all costs, including any extreme measures regardless of the outlook for your recovery, the cost involved or pain you would experience, or whether you would chose not to have any extreme procedures done. What you value in life would be the best guide for choosing options relating to your dying."^ Top
Dying unexpectedly when you have minor children:
"Guardianship of your minor children is an issue to be discussed with an attorney. You may address guardianship in a will that you write yourself, but be aware that any financial benefits from you go directly to your children when they become eighteen years old. If you aren't sure you want an eighteen year old to have access to and responsibility for whatever-sized fortune you may leave them, then you must set up a trust fund that determines when and how much they receive of said fortune."^ Top
About your funeral:
"Choices regarding funeral rites and arrangements are quite personal; many indeed have chosen between burial in a cemetery or cremation, but few of us have determined that we really would like a mahogany casket with blue silk lining versus a plain pine box, or what exactly we would have done with our ashes. Your attitude may be that, since you won't be there, you really don't care. In which case, there can be no criticism if your heirs choose to bury your ashes in coffee can in a vacant lot under a full moon and take a nice Caribbean cruise!"^ Top
On being a primary caregiver:
"ASK, ASK, ASK! What a gift it is for you to give your loved one as much control over their life as possible. It's a good idea to ask consistently, 'How can I help you get what you need?' You won't know if you don't ask, and if you don't ask, you can't help. It can be difficult for us to realize how much a terminally ill person has lost when we are focused on just the health they no longer possess. By the time a person has a caregiver, they may have lost their work, their independence, their ability to DO anything due to chronic weakness or fatigue, their appetite, their ability to enjoy an activity as simple as watching television; they may have lost their attention span, their vitality, their ability to recall, their ability to interact with others, their environment, or even themselves. For as long as possible, ask how you may help them achieve some control over their circumstances."^ Top
Regarding some of the tasks of survivorship:
"It's a good idea to make notes on your meetings with these (attorneys, social workers, financial advisors, bankers, etc.) people, as well. Buying and keeping records in one notebook might be helpful; be sure to date each entry. Keep in mind, these people are there to help you, but the jobs to ensure closing the estate are multi-faceted and could tend to run together. Notes will be a reference to you as to who suggested what and will help you formulate both plan-of-action and follow-through."^ Top
About grieving:
"Caring friends often ask people in mourning how they are doing, and usually the answer is, 'Fine, thanks for asking.' That may or may not be (and probably isn't) accurate. It IS nice that people care enough to ask, and their concern is almost always genuine. But we are mindful of not making the inquirer uncomfortable with the truth, which may range from 'I haven't showered in four days' to 'I don't remember that time I slept' or I can't eat anything but corn flakes.' Be a watcher of your self: take note of your feelings and progress and pay attention to what has helped you in other difficult situations. You may have inner resources you can dust off and make life a bit easier by using."^ Top
Also included in this workbook:
- Conversation starters from two perspectives about this subject matter
- 9 Home safety tips
- 12 Guidelines for caregivers
- 9 suggestions for comfort measures when death is imminent
- A Body Blessing prayer to be used at the time of death
