As small children, sometime around ages five or six, we learn that things
die. As we get older still, we come to the intellectual understanding that
WE will die. The steps from knowing of our mortality to believing it applies
to us personally can be many, and difficult. People don't normally, or
easily, talk about death, whether it be their own, or someone's close to
them...until asked. Over the past twenty years,
I have become aware of a hidden need
to tell those stories, remembering when
a sister, a grandparent, a mother had died,
whether by illness or accident, and the
feelings so long held regarding that
event. To my amazement, the length
of time between the event and the
telling of it did not seem to be affected
by time; the feelings... read all >
die. As we get older still, we come to the intellectual understanding that
WE will die. The steps from knowing of our mortality to believing it applies
to us personally can be many, and difficult. People don't normally, or
easily, talk about death, whether it be their own, or someone's close to
them...until asked. Over the past twenty years,
I have become aware of a hidden need
to tell those stories, remembering when
a sister, a grandparent, a mother had died,
whether by illness or accident, and the
feelings so long held regarding that
event. To my amazement, the length
of time between the event and the
telling of it did not seem to be affected
by time; the feelings... read all >
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read more | by MasyaNEPraich | 03:01 on 1.28.10
[b:1hwuagsc]Making End of Life Choices[/b:1hwuagsc]I have read many articles on how to make end of life choices. There's so much advice, where would one begin? I suggest Deb Waterman's Book, Before (I Die) During (The Process) and After (You're Gone). This book really gives a great deal of insight making end of life choices easier for the death of a loved one. This beautifully thought out book lays out many of the obstacles one faces before, during and after death. This book is very unique. It is more of a personal guide book that can be written in. Having read this guide book, I can see how it would provide the information to loved ones when the time is needed.I'm hoping Deb will comment more in depth of how her book helps with making end of life choices. It is a topic that everyone will have to face one day or another, and hopefully many, with this book, will be able to let their mind rest in peace knowing that their wishes are known.
read more | by Erin Marie | 13:01 on 1.6.10
I was visiting with an elderly man last month who had lost his wife (well, not really LOST her; he believed she was in Heaven, so didn't really consider her "lost."). He was LIVID! And pretty much at HER, because he had gone to the grocery store, and didn't know how to buy a tomato! He was responsible now for doing something SHE had always done, and gosh darnit, she wasn't there to do it anymore and he didn't know how. Now, the tomato was the target of his anger, but of course, not the cause. And underneath his anger, we discovered, was an enormous sea of sadness! It's so much easier for the survivors to feel anger rather than sadness: anger is directed outward, but sadness is all internal. Once he understood that he was just so drenchingly sad, missing his beloved, the anger disappeared all together. Almost all feelings are normal when you become the survivor. The very word survivor to most of us includes the idea of a difficult task to be overcome. True for those of us left behind.......how have any of you managed new tasks or jobs that someone else always did? How did you feel learning how to change the furnace filters, or to take care of the Christmas shopping? Let me know what kind of coping skills you found inside yourself....
read more | by deb.waterman | 07:12 on 12.10.09
