One time as a hospital chaplain, I was called to be with a young husband
whose wife had come into the emergency room dead on arrival. After
quite some time passed, I asked him if he could decide on a funeral home.
He said to me, "I'm twenty two years old. What do I know about funeral
homes?" Indeed.
Many of us put off conversations about death and
dying until we are stunned by unexpected
circumstances. I have witnessed grown
children agonizing over what their "vibrant
yesterday but lying in a coma today"
parent would want regarding end of life
choices.
There are many reasons that facing mortality
is difficult. We are not taught...
...anything about the processes involved with serious illnesses or accidents. We are not taught about the ways to care for a loved one who wants to die in the familiarity of home perhaps under Hospice care, how to write an obituary, or what the possibilities are regarding organ donation, funeral options, or what information our heirs will need available to them. There are no classes about comfort measures, care giving, or even the options available to us. No one teaches us how to care for ourselves as we care for another, clean out the house or grieve efficiently. Most of us don't know what we don't even know when it comes to taking care of an elderly parent or becoming a widow unexpectedly. In most households, even of young and healthy couples, one person is responsible for the finances, and though there may be no secrets about them, if all that knowledge is lost along with the encrypted computer passwords, funeral arrangements won't be the only issue immediately at hand!
This book is designed for two people: a writer to set down choices about end of life, about finances, about the bequest of memories so that loved ones may KNOW what the person wanted. It's so much easier to follow someone else's wishes if you know what they are. The reader has a checklist of tasks to be completed when they become the heir. There are practical, easy to follow instructions regarding moving furniture from one state to another, what to do with the Tupperware, and how to divide the tasks of settling an estate.
In the middle of the book is a section for caregivers, whether that person is someone in the family or a hired professional. If you have never been a caregiver, if you have never hired a caregiver, this book gives practical suggestions for taking care of someone whose life is near the end.
Mortality is still at 100%. Our preparedness for this inevitable event is not.
Here is help.
